I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
