You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
