Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
