you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
