and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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