I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
