yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
