My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
