I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
