I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
