Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
