Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
