i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
