I'm really into asian looking animals
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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