she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
