I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
