you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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