sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
