Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
