We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
