she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
