end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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