He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
