why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
