If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
