She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
