Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
