I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
