so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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