my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
