Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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