if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
