why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I love you. Go after that dick
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wear drunk well.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
