You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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