He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
