Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
