All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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