Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
