i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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