my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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