Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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