ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dicks are not precious.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
