I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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