i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
