In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
