Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
