We named our party play list daddy issues
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
