I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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