Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
