hotel room ftw
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
