I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My liver just had a heart attack.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
