i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
