Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
