nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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