I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
